Talking to Myself

A dear friend and I agreed to read Jennifer Rothschild’s new book entitled “Self Talk, Soul Talk”. Once a month we are getting together to discuss what we’ve read and share what we’ve learned. I am only on chapter three and my discussion notes will take once a week lunches for a year because I talk to myself. Do you talk to yourself?

In Jennifer’s book she shares these statistics. “Psychologists and neuroscientists have concluded that everybody maintains a continuous, ongoing silent dialogue, or stream of talk, of between 150 and 300 words a minute. These are grouped into 45,000 to 51,000 thoughts each day. Most of those thoughts are neutral or harmless, such as Where did I put my keys? Or I need to go to the dry cleaners today. But another small yet powerful percentage of such self-directed speech can be accurate or inaccurate, constructive or destructive, right or wrong words that pack quite a punch.” Those are the words I am talking about today.

We all talk to ourselves. It’s what we choose to say that impacts how we perceive and begin to understand who we are. It starts early in life too. Remember the first time you were embarrassed in front of your peers? Did your conversation with yourself go something like this? “You idiot, I cannot believe you did that, you will never live this down or maybe like this, I am so mortified, I will never be able to face these people again, they all think I am so stupid, because I am.” However the conversation went, you began to process that you were at times, an idiot, stupid, unaccepted, unloved, would always be on the outside or maybe even, never have any real friends. Whatever you said, you started to stockpile, right then and there, negative thoughts that would resurface each time you made a mistake, wrong choice, had an embarrassing moment or even a bad day.

When I was growing up I had huge issues with weight. It seemed I constantly struggled with overeating, being overweight, finding clothes that would fit and basically a self-image that was so destructive I began to look for my self-worth in very negative ways. By the time I got to college I carried around a lot of baggage, even into my first marriage. I needed my husband and others to give me validity. I expected them to carry the burden of helping me to like myself. How unfair when they had their own baggage, I just heaped on more. I often sought out friends who needed me, because if they needed me then I felt needed, thus better about who I was. Let’s face it, I was helping these unfortunate few, who had no clue I needed them far more than they needed me.

As a young Christian I struggled with my self-image, never understanding how much God loved me as I was. It was not until my divorce and even later that I began to understand how the choices I made; the things I told myself went against everything God said about me. For me, it took some very wise counsel and serious “soul talk”. Colossians 4:6 says “Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone.” What I failed to understand is that the conversation has to start with me. God loves us so much that he tells us in Psalm 139 that “he knew us before we were every born”. He also tells us that “He knows our words before we speak them” even to ourselves. How it must distress Him to hear what we say to ourselves when he loves us so much He created us. I think of the young anorexic girl who is starving herself because she tells herself every day how ugly and fat she is. The young Mom who had to keep working to make ends meet after having the baby telling herself what an awful Mom she must be to leave her baby in the hands of a stranger daily. We all fill our heads with negative talk. The world convinces us we are what we tell ourselves. Instead of hearing God, who tells us “we are His workmanship” (Ephesians 2:10) we hear what we are not according to the world. I Timothy 4:4 tells us that “everything God created is good.” How sad God must be when he hears how much we do not like what He has created.

1 Timothy 4 goes on in verse 7 to say “But do not follow foolish stories that disagree with God’s truth, train yourself to serve God.” God’s word tells us that we are made in His image, created by God and loved by God yet we fill our minds with foolish stories, and negative thoughts, contradictory to the Word of God. Jennifer goes on to share “Wise, truthful words are never harsh or unkind. They are gracious. Wise truthful words are never wimpy or without power. They have authority. Even the hard truths we speak to ourselves should not be condemning. They should build us up. You can’t remove those hurtful thoughts, words and memories, but by the power of God, you can drain them of their potential control over you.”

What harsh, hurtful words and thoughts are you carrying as you talk to yourself today? Replace them with the wise words of God found in His letters to you. Are your thoughts based on the truth or lies found in scripture? Take a minute today to examine your “self-talk”. Philippians 4:8 says we are to think about things that are “good and worthy of praise, true, honorable, right, pure and respected.” Start talking those things today that honor God; you will be amazed at the conversations that take place silently and what others in your life start to hear!